Lend Me your Lamb's Ear

D.M.H. and I spent the past three days or so at the Jersey Shore with my family, and for most of the time I was either drunk or hungover. It was wonderful. I didn't want to come back, and there were a few moments today where I could swear I felt some food poisoning coming on.

Back at home, I was just about to leave for D.M.H.'s place when I remembered I ought to water the garden. I've got a tomato plant with four small 'maters and three pepper plants with the tiniest of buds starting. The fence was as far as I got before I heard a "hey" from behind the neighbor's flower garden. Mrs. Fussnpuss said "I have a question I want to ask you" as she slowly made her way over.

"How are your plants doing up here? Not so good, huh?" She pointed to the three flowers and the Lamb's Ear that I'd planted. The Lamb's Ear's taken off, expanding to fill the space I'd given it. The flowers on the other hand aren't doing so hot. They started off well, but I think a quick thunderstorm we had a couple weeks ago had left them wet, and the sunshine that followed burned the leafs. That's my theory anyway, because one day the leafs were a healthy dark green, the next they were spotted and brown, seemingly instantaneous, and they haven't recovered since.

"Yeah, I don't know what happened to the flowers."
"What are they supposed to be?"
"I'm not sure. They were doing well but something's gotten to them."
"Yeah, they don't look to good. I see you've got some Lamb's Ear growing there."
"Yep, that's doing well."
"Well, I wanted to ask you. I used to have Lamb's Ear over there." She pointed to a planter where there's a tree planted, along with some bushes and flowers. "But it disappeared and now I see it's over there now in your yard. I was wondering if I could plant it over here."
"I found it in the yard, here." I pointed to a spot near my foot, which happened to be the exact spot I'd found it. It's an easy find, since the grass never grew over the naked dirt I left when I dug up the two spots of Lamb's Ear my Mother casually pointed out to me one, mentioning I should dig it up before it got mowed.
"I was wondering if I could have some of it back so I could plant it over here."
I kneeled down and desperatly parted the grass over the bald spot, hoping the scar, when combined with my explanation, would be proof enough. "No, I dug it up here. It was growing right he..."
"No, no, no. It was over here in my yard. Maybe it blew over or something. Anyway, could I have it to plant back over here?"

I relented. What could I do? "Sure you could. Help yourself."
She bent over, picking up a tray and a shovel, which she passed over to me. "No, could you dig it up?"

So I did. I dug up all the Lamb's Ear. I helped her load it up on her tray, and I even straightened her shovel for her. While I dug, ripping up he roots, I was pissed at having been accused of something I didn't do, knowing that nothing I said would convince her otherwise. Later, on the road, I had to laugh, anticipating the enjoyment I would get in telling my story. Now that I've written it out though, I'm not so jovial about it anymore. At the time I told myself that I was just being kind, because really, why make life any harder for her? Why add stress to her days, knowing that they're relatively close to her last. I felt as if I were doing her a favor by being so easy going. What I realize now that is the that it didn't matter who was on the other side of the fence, I would have given my Lamb's Ear up anyhow. Little old lady or not.

It doesn't matter that it was my favorite, that I was so proud I'd rescued it from the yard, that it made me think of my mother, or that I rooted it on as it spread, tripling in size, to fill the area beside my porch step with felty green. I gave it up because I still haven't learned when and how to stand up for myself in those moments when I'm caught off guard. I don't handle these situations any better than I did in the third grade. I'd still rather acquiesce than risk being the bad guy or being in the wrong. The only difference is that I don't pout as much afterwards. And, at least until my mind gets washed over with new preoccupations, I'm going to be reminded of these facts every time I step over that fertile brown crater on my way in and out of my house.

I'm Sleepy, So Blog Post Will Be the Title of this Blog Post

It's freaking hot out. I spent the weekend at D.M.H's place, which thankfully has air conditioning. Saturday I took my car in to Meineke for an emissions recheck. I'd driven 702 miles since my last visit two weeks ago, so I crossed my fingers hoping the computers had gathered enough data.

A couple hours later I got a call. It hadn't. It still read as unable to provide emissions data. I've got an appointment to take it into a Ford dealership on Wednesday, which will be a pain to work out. Plus, god knows how much this will cost.

The rest of Saturday after that was fun, as we threw a surprise party for the D.M.H.'s roommate. Lots of fun and food and drink.

Today I took a ride back home. No Slim Jim this weekend, so my bathroom's in the same condition. Last Monday he was on his way when his serpentine belt broke. I can only assume more car troubles, though I don't know cause he never got back to me. At least I got the yard mowed, and my plants seem to be doing well.

Digging in the Dirt

Monday I slept in my own bed for the first time in eleven days. The bathroom is an empty shell save for a toilet that drains, but does not flush. The rest of the house is a mix of supplies, tools, and my own displaced clutter. The only room left untouched is my bedroom, which feels like a sanctuary away from craziness. Yesterday I spent a couple hours replacing the dryer belt, which broke a week ago. If I thought it would have been difficult, I be surprised at how easy it was. Instead, I thought it would be easy, so of course it kicked my ass.

Last Friday the girlfriend and I took a trip to her home for the holiday weekend. It was nice to see her family again. Actually, it was more than nice. The Mistress showed me about the leavings of her past, and there's little I revere more than our personal childhood mythologies. She also continued in her lessons on how to shoot an SLR camera. Like, you know, a real film camera. I had a blast, and I can't wait to get the pictures back.

We got in late Monday night, and I had taken Tuesday off so I could get my car inspected at the place around the corner from D.M.H.'s house. I knew the tires were iffy, but I was hoping that they might pass and I would have a bit of time to shop around for a new set of skins. If they didn't, I figured it'd be a "hey, go buy some tire and bring it back to get your sticker." Instead I got "you failed on tires, and we couldn't get an emissions reading because the computer says there's not enough data. You'll have to drive the car around for a while until it resets. When you bring it back we'll have to re-inspect the car. That'll be $90."

I had my Monday all planned. I would drop the car off, then enjoy a quiet day to sit and write. A day with nothing going on and no one around. A day unlike any I've had in longer than I can remember. Instead, I figured I'd better try to get my car legal, so I ended up at Wal-Mart, where the cheapest tires were $70. For $75 they had some discounted performance tires, so I went with those. Two hours in Wal-Mart, then Three in the Meineke up the street to get an alignment and another inspection. At least inspection and emissions only ran you $50 there. At one point the guy working on my car came in with a concerned look, the kind you don't want your mechanic to have, and asked me if I just got my car inspected recently. I told him my story up to this point, and he said they should have explained to me that I have 30 days to come back and get my emissions re-checked free of charge. The first place didn't tell me this, even though I explained that I moved from a county where emissions checks aren't required, so I therefore didn't know how things worked. Assholes.

My choice at that point was to drive around and bring the car back on Saturday, hoping the computer gathered enough data, or keep driving it after the inspection ran out to give it more time. I chose for the latter, not wanting to waste any more money. I've never been pulled over, and I don't intend to start now. I'll see if I can get in this Saturday or Monday, and until then, cross my fingers. I will cross them also in the hope that my car's computer's got all the emissions data it needs, and that I don't need to take my car to Ford to have the computer diagnosed at a presumably high cost. Or, that my car fails emissions, which would also suck tons.

Somewhere in there my upstairs computer, the one do all my writing and audio stuff on, crashed. Could not find the operating system. This means hard drive difficulties. I've rescued my writing, but one hard drive is down permanently and the other still won't boot. Props go to my Linux booting iMac for being able to grab my writing from my crippled Linux hard drive, albeit at a turtle's pace.

I feel I've lost the past two weeks. It's exhausting, and I'm overwhelmed. On the exciting side, mom gave me some flowers, three pepper plants, and a tomato plant. I put them in the ground Monday, and it was kind of crazy. I didn't expect to have such a powerful experience, and I still don't understand it, but there was something about seeing all the critters, all the roots, the rusted bolts and pieces of glass hidden buried and forgotten half a foot below my yard that made me feel connected to this place in a way I haven't known. Every morning and afternoon on my way in and out I stop and check on my plants, more excited than I should be.

Weekendery

As I said, Bixby and The Tzar were in town to visit. Not me specifically, but to make their way around town in general. Friday night, another college friend and former housemate Leggolamb was in town. She was meeting up with friends and wanted to see who was around and if we were interested in going out.

I got out of work early and just in time to welcome Bixby and The Tzar. We got them set up in the attic suite. The were understandably tired and went to bed shortly thereafter. I was feeling bad about leaving Starbuck, and I was feeling tired, so I called up Leggo and declined her offer. Then I poured myself a stiff Soy Russian (because my real milk expired) and watched 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Next day I woke up at noon, missing my company but catching up on much needed sleep I'd gypped myself on all week. Went to work, which sucked almost all around. Got out late, again missing my company. Leggolamb's plans fell through though, so she, Slim Jim, and I stayed up talking for a bit. Then we all went to sleep.

I only slept till 11:30 or so this morning, which again, was glorious. However, I missed the departure of Bixby and The Tzar, which made me feel like a bit of a jerk. If I hadn't stayed up late cleaning all week, I might have seen more of them. But then I'd have been embarrassed about the house.

There's a lesson in here somewhere. Unfortunately the genius of Kubrick is sucking up my reflective energies, so shrugs all around.

When Leggolamb's ride came I saw that it was snowing! The first snow of the year! This always excites me. Way more than it should.

Stankfoot came to town and he, Slim Jim, and I went to Taco Bell and kicked around. It was lovely.

While waiting for Stankfoot, Slim Jim and I tracked down and fixed some electrical gremlins. The light at the top of the basement stairs was out and it wasn't the bulb. Turned out to be a weak wire nut in the box the switch was in. Then, the plug my computer's getting power from has no ground. Plus, it was really touchy. Slim replaced the outlet and we tracked down the open ground to a box in the basement. There were five or six ground wires not really touching each other.

The guy who wired this place wasn't very thorough. As I said, all the smoke alarms have fresh batteries.

The big downer is there's blood on Starbuck's stiches. It could be from when I took her cone off and started biting at them. I stopped her right away but she still got at them a few times. Or, maybe it's from when she was playing and jumping around yesterday. She's getting awful punchy, being so full of energy but confined to one room. If only I had a door to the upstairs or something, so I could at least give her a whole floor.

I can't wait for this to be over and her to be all healed up.

The Dark Mistress just walked in! With a cornbread muffin! She's been away all weekend, helping her friend on a school project. I am off to eat this muffin.

Delicious.

A Post That's Not About My Cat?!

This week I've gone through several stages of tired. If I felt I could rely on my current state of mind, I would classify this list as comprehensive. I've been damn tired. I've been stupid mistakes tired. I've been cranky tired. I've been angry tired. I've been confused tired. I've been hopeless tired. I've been giggly tired.

This weekend my friends Bixby, her boyfriend The Tzar, and Slim Jim will all take up lodging here. Bixby reserved two spaces way back in August. So of course I forgot. Even though I wrote it down in my calendar. It was there, in my brain, in some form or capacity. Certainly not a useful one. It occurred to me in a very real way this Tuesday that I would actually have people in my house this weekend. This necessitated some emergency cleaning like nobody's dirty business.

So Tuesday I was up until 2:30 after work cleaning the bathroom, which I haven't done since I moved in. Wednesday I put in 15 hours, so I didn't do much of anything house related. Yesterday was laundry, and this morning was more laundry, straightening up my creativity room, sweeping the creativity room, installing new batteries in all the smoke alarms, straightening up the living room, vacuuming the living room, vacuuming the upstairs hall and stairs, doing dishes, making two chicken, cheddar cheese, mayo, and Cholula burritos, eating two chicken, cheddar cheese, mayo, and Cholula burritos, and petting my cat.

It was a very stressful week. What's nice though is when people visit, it's like a kick in the ass to get all these I've wanted to do done. Check it out: for the first time since moving in, I have an honest to god living room:


Also, I finally set up something I've wanted to have since I knew I was moving here:

Big Day for Starbuck

This weekend almost felt like a holiday, considering last weekend I only had one day off, and I felt lucky to get even that. Plus, this week is the last full week until Thanksgiving Break, and that means good things for everyone. And by everyone I mean me, because I'm like that.

Saturday saw a productive day at work, which always feels great. Sunday the Mistress and I continued our mission to cross educate each other on our favorite shows. She's currently showing me the second season of The Office and the first/last season of Freaks and Geeks. I've got her a third of the way through season one of Battlestar Galactica. Then we visited my folks and our friends Bozzie and Mudskipper.

Then there's today. Today was to be my day. I'd been looking forward to it all week. My plans were insane in scope: I figured I could reorganize the entire kitchen, rearrange my bedrooms, reclaim my entire living room, or perhaps all three if I were focused enough. Really though, I was afforded this day because I had to stay in town, as today was the day Starbuck got her itty bitty kitty bits snipped.

I knew I was going to hit Taco Bell with my good friend Stankfoot, but after that, the day was wide open. Project one was setting up the 5.1 system I was gifted (thanks Stank). This involved running wires across the room via the drop tile ceiling, which was messy and tedious. I have been rewarded, however, with the aural fruits of six speaker sound first time in my life.

After that I ran some boxes down to the basement (other people's crap that was taking up space), then it was off to pick up Starbuck.

She was an ornery cuss, hissing at everyone except me from behind the slits of her carrier. I was comforting her when I got my shock: the bill was $336.

Now, I was expecting at least $150. And I was prepared for maybe $200. But I wanted to cry when I heard $336. I'm not exaggerating. I didn't know how to react, except to give the young lady my credit card, because I couldn't afford to take that out of my account.

I ran my credit card up when I was unemployed, and I've been struggling to pay it off ever since. I was damn this summer I could taste it until some shit went down with my old house, which I had to put on my card because I couldn't afford it. This vet bill more than doubles what I had left on my one card, which may not sound like a lot, but to me it is. I get paid once a month on the first. I have to guess how tight I'll be for the month in order to decide how much to put towards my cards because they are both due early in the month. On months I know I have a bit more leniency I put $100 towards each, which leaves me with a couple hundred after bills for gas and groceries for the month. Not having that burden would be such a relief, and I think I'm going to have a stiff drink to celebrate the day it happens. If it ever does happen.

But back to Starbuck, who had some real problems, having been cut open and what not. She was still obviously very sedated when I let her out of her carrier, as her whole rear end would list to one side or the other as she tried to walk a straight line. In addition to failing her roadside, she couldn't manage to cover her waste when going to the litter box. What she was good at doing, though, was licking at her sutures. No amount of yelling, clapping, or pulling her head away was persuading her. It was 7:57, the vet closed at 8, and I was on the phone asking if I could run over to get a cone. They stayed to give me one (though it was only 8:05 when I got there), but when I got home to put it on her, she was about to have a nap. I hope I don't have to use it. I don't want her to end up like this poor soul:



The rest of the night Starbuck slept and I set upon the kitchen with the fury of a madman so that I might have something to feel good about before I sleep tonight. I didn't get as far as I thought I could. I certainly didn't turn the whole thing out, but I did make a bit of progress though, and I think by the end of the week, if I'm diligent, I may be able to claim this kitchen as my own. I already reclaimed the posting area. This used to be covered with postcards and notes from past tenants/friends:



The numbers are calendar dates. When I get a bill, I plan on sticking it up there under the approximate time of month it's due, thus raising my awareness of when I gotta pay the man. This should be an improvement over my current I should check what's collected under my keyboard method. Yes, I know it's off center, but I didn't have scissors or tape, and I was on the phone when I made it.