Absurdities in Dream, No. 1: Boogie Vans, Cadillac Man, and My Father, the Jumper.

In the fist of what, depending on the frequency and absurdity of my dreams, will be a continuing series of tales from my subconscious, I present to you Monday morning's dreams.

Of course, what I remember is a merely a tenth of the curiosities that played before me last night. At one point I was looking down on a freeway from a high and distant vantage. In one lane of travel a continuous line of "boogie" vans approached, each painted wildly and driven straight from a time portal to the 70's. The other lane of travel, however, was empty. Empty, save for one rebellious soul, driving a purple hopped up Cadillac. This thing was set up to drag and kicked all sorts of ass.

All I could think was I want to buy that car.. I debated on this, weighing the cost of the car, which apparently I could afford, against its general asskickery.

Never mind the problem of getting a hold of the owner, since he was driving away and I was up on a cliff or something. After coming very close to deciding I would buy it, I figured against it, as buying new drag racing tires for it would be too expensive.

Flash forward and I'm on the rooftop of a city building. My father has gotten himself some sort of costume with mechanical legs that allows him to jump from roof to roof. He's wearing a simple, stupid red costume that's a cross between a Mexican wrestler's and a Power Ranger's. He's very excited about this whole thing, and lands near me to tell me how awesome it is. I mention something about hurting himself, but he's convinced he's invincible, and goes bounding off. I can see him slipping, tripping, or in some other easy to imagine way, going over the edge of a tall building to his certain demise. All I can do is watch and worry.

Weekendery

As I said, Bixby and The Tzar were in town to visit. Not me specifically, but to make their way around town in general. Friday night, another college friend and former housemate Leggolamb was in town. She was meeting up with friends and wanted to see who was around and if we were interested in going out.

I got out of work early and just in time to welcome Bixby and The Tzar. We got them set up in the attic suite. The were understandably tired and went to bed shortly thereafter. I was feeling bad about leaving Starbuck, and I was feeling tired, so I called up Leggo and declined her offer. Then I poured myself a stiff Soy Russian (because my real milk expired) and watched 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Next day I woke up at noon, missing my company but catching up on much needed sleep I'd gypped myself on all week. Went to work, which sucked almost all around. Got out late, again missing my company. Leggolamb's plans fell through though, so she, Slim Jim, and I stayed up talking for a bit. Then we all went to sleep.

I only slept till 11:30 or so this morning, which again, was glorious. However, I missed the departure of Bixby and The Tzar, which made me feel like a bit of a jerk. If I hadn't stayed up late cleaning all week, I might have seen more of them. But then I'd have been embarrassed about the house.

There's a lesson in here somewhere. Unfortunately the genius of Kubrick is sucking up my reflective energies, so shrugs all around.

When Leggolamb's ride came I saw that it was snowing! The first snow of the year! This always excites me. Way more than it should.

Stankfoot came to town and he, Slim Jim, and I went to Taco Bell and kicked around. It was lovely.

While waiting for Stankfoot, Slim Jim and I tracked down and fixed some electrical gremlins. The light at the top of the basement stairs was out and it wasn't the bulb. Turned out to be a weak wire nut in the box the switch was in. Then, the plug my computer's getting power from has no ground. Plus, it was really touchy. Slim replaced the outlet and we tracked down the open ground to a box in the basement. There were five or six ground wires not really touching each other.

The guy who wired this place wasn't very thorough. As I said, all the smoke alarms have fresh batteries.

The big downer is there's blood on Starbuck's stiches. It could be from when I took her cone off and started biting at them. I stopped her right away but she still got at them a few times. Or, maybe it's from when she was playing and jumping around yesterday. She's getting awful punchy, being so full of energy but confined to one room. If only I had a door to the upstairs or something, so I could at least give her a whole floor.

I can't wait for this to be over and her to be all healed up.

The Dark Mistress just walked in! With a cornbread muffin! She's been away all weekend, helping her friend on a school project. I am off to eat this muffin.

Delicious.

A Post That's Not About My Cat?!

This week I've gone through several stages of tired. If I felt I could rely on my current state of mind, I would classify this list as comprehensive. I've been damn tired. I've been stupid mistakes tired. I've been cranky tired. I've been angry tired. I've been confused tired. I've been hopeless tired. I've been giggly tired.

This weekend my friends Bixby, her boyfriend The Tzar, and Slim Jim will all take up lodging here. Bixby reserved two spaces way back in August. So of course I forgot. Even though I wrote it down in my calendar. It was there, in my brain, in some form or capacity. Certainly not a useful one. It occurred to me in a very real way this Tuesday that I would actually have people in my house this weekend. This necessitated some emergency cleaning like nobody's dirty business.

So Tuesday I was up until 2:30 after work cleaning the bathroom, which I haven't done since I moved in. Wednesday I put in 15 hours, so I didn't do much of anything house related. Yesterday was laundry, and this morning was more laundry, straightening up my creativity room, sweeping the creativity room, installing new batteries in all the smoke alarms, straightening up the living room, vacuuming the living room, vacuuming the upstairs hall and stairs, doing dishes, making two chicken, cheddar cheese, mayo, and Cholula burritos, eating two chicken, cheddar cheese, mayo, and Cholula burritos, and petting my cat.

It was a very stressful week. What's nice though is when people visit, it's like a kick in the ass to get all these I've wanted to do done. Check it out: for the first time since moving in, I have an honest to god living room:


Also, I finally set up something I've wanted to have since I knew I was moving here:

Kitty Pity Pics

As promised.




She actually doesn't look all that pitiful.



Quite dignified, actually. She must be feeling much better.

I jinxed her

Starbuck now has a beautiful plastic cat bonnet. Watching her struggle around the room, bumping her cone into everything, then watching her flail to try to get it off was torture and kept me up past three. She seemed fine with it at first. Lying in a blanket right beside my mattress, she put up no resistance when I put it on. We even got to play just after. She kept staring at me with what looked to be her disembodied head while she'd lazily paw at the blanket I dangled in front of her. It was heart breaking but cute. Then came the moment when she realized that this cone was actually attached firmly to her. Kind of like that moment when folks first realize that mortality has a bead on them it's never going to loose, she freaked out a bit. But physically instead of existentially.

Well, who knows. Maybe existentially too. Maybe this was a watershed moment. Maybe it came to her in a flash: Hey, this guy's just fucking with me! What am I doing in this house? Why can't I ever get out?

I'll never know though as she hasn't been talking to me. Starbuck was always very conversational. She had inquisitive mews, assertive mews, WTF mews. She meowed during natural pauses in my monologue, and I always answered, pretending she said what the conflicting viewpoint in my head would have said.

You know, I would hate to see myself someday having to make a case for my sanity while a doctor holds a printout of the above in his/her hand.

I felt like a big softy, but the house felt very empty while Starbuck was at the vet yesterday. Very quiet, with no one to answer my once, and again, rhetorical questions. When I brought her home last night, the silence continued. It was just this morning that I got my first peep out of her, and it was wonderful to hear her voice again. I hope this whole experience doesn't leave her quiet and introspective. There need be only one fellow in the house like that.

I'd understand though, as the cage doesn't exist until we posit it as one, and that can be an unsettling realization. No amount of me telling her it's for her own good that I keep her inside could ever convince her otherwise. Maybe from now on she'll be my little Andy Dufresne.

I promise some kitty pity pictures later. For now, there's work to be done, and oatmeal to be eaten.

Big Day for Starbuck

This weekend almost felt like a holiday, considering last weekend I only had one day off, and I felt lucky to get even that. Plus, this week is the last full week until Thanksgiving Break, and that means good things for everyone. And by everyone I mean me, because I'm like that.

Saturday saw a productive day at work, which always feels great. Sunday the Mistress and I continued our mission to cross educate each other on our favorite shows. She's currently showing me the second season of The Office and the first/last season of Freaks and Geeks. I've got her a third of the way through season one of Battlestar Galactica. Then we visited my folks and our friends Bozzie and Mudskipper.

Then there's today. Today was to be my day. I'd been looking forward to it all week. My plans were insane in scope: I figured I could reorganize the entire kitchen, rearrange my bedrooms, reclaim my entire living room, or perhaps all three if I were focused enough. Really though, I was afforded this day because I had to stay in town, as today was the day Starbuck got her itty bitty kitty bits snipped.

I knew I was going to hit Taco Bell with my good friend Stankfoot, but after that, the day was wide open. Project one was setting up the 5.1 system I was gifted (thanks Stank). This involved running wires across the room via the drop tile ceiling, which was messy and tedious. I have been rewarded, however, with the aural fruits of six speaker sound first time in my life.

After that I ran some boxes down to the basement (other people's crap that was taking up space), then it was off to pick up Starbuck.

She was an ornery cuss, hissing at everyone except me from behind the slits of her carrier. I was comforting her when I got my shock: the bill was $336.

Now, I was expecting at least $150. And I was prepared for maybe $200. But I wanted to cry when I heard $336. I'm not exaggerating. I didn't know how to react, except to give the young lady my credit card, because I couldn't afford to take that out of my account.

I ran my credit card up when I was unemployed, and I've been struggling to pay it off ever since. I was damn this summer I could taste it until some shit went down with my old house, which I had to put on my card because I couldn't afford it. This vet bill more than doubles what I had left on my one card, which may not sound like a lot, but to me it is. I get paid once a month on the first. I have to guess how tight I'll be for the month in order to decide how much to put towards my cards because they are both due early in the month. On months I know I have a bit more leniency I put $100 towards each, which leaves me with a couple hundred after bills for gas and groceries for the month. Not having that burden would be such a relief, and I think I'm going to have a stiff drink to celebrate the day it happens. If it ever does happen.

But back to Starbuck, who had some real problems, having been cut open and what not. She was still obviously very sedated when I let her out of her carrier, as her whole rear end would list to one side or the other as she tried to walk a straight line. In addition to failing her roadside, she couldn't manage to cover her waste when going to the litter box. What she was good at doing, though, was licking at her sutures. No amount of yelling, clapping, or pulling her head away was persuading her. It was 7:57, the vet closed at 8, and I was on the phone asking if I could run over to get a cone. They stayed to give me one (though it was only 8:05 when I got there), but when I got home to put it on her, she was about to have a nap. I hope I don't have to use it. I don't want her to end up like this poor soul:



The rest of the night Starbuck slept and I set upon the kitchen with the fury of a madman so that I might have something to feel good about before I sleep tonight. I didn't get as far as I thought I could. I certainly didn't turn the whole thing out, but I did make a bit of progress though, and I think by the end of the week, if I'm diligent, I may be able to claim this kitchen as my own. I already reclaimed the posting area. This used to be covered with postcards and notes from past tenants/friends:



The numbers are calendar dates. When I get a bill, I plan on sticking it up there under the approximate time of month it's due, thus raising my awareness of when I gotta pay the man. This should be an improvement over my current I should check what's collected under my keyboard method. Yes, I know it's off center, but I didn't have scissors or tape, and I was on the phone when I made it.

What Do I Know About Partying or Anything?

I suppose the first post ought be a statement of intent.  Why a blog?  Why now?

It's been terrible at keeping up with friends and family lately.  I figured this would be an easy way to let them know I'm still alive  That's pretty much it.

So, family, friends, what have I been up to?

Little background: the latest era of my life consists of me living in a new town, alone, for the first time in my life.  This started back around July/August.  It was a hectic time, with me being busy/out of the state one third of the month of July.  My plan was this: move all I could in July, finish up in August, and be set to live the way I want starting in September. 

That "living the way I want" part involved time to play, write, and possibly record music, and time to read and write prose and poetry.  I recently discovered how important these things are to me, and decided that, for me, a life without them is a life not worth living.  Not at the moment, anyway.

Two things changed those plans: the house, and the lady friend.  In August, I started dating/going out/whatever label makes sense, with a wonderful young woman we'll name, for the sake of e-anonymity, Dark Mistress Hawthorne.  I hadn't dated in three years and I hadn't been in a relationship for four, so I feel a bit unsettled in how natural it's felt as I now reflect on it.  You'll be hearing more about her, but what's to note is, while I don't regret time spent with her one bit, time spent with her isn't time spent alone, and time spent alone is the only time I can create.  In short, she wasn't a part of the plan.

Thing two is the monster of a project that is my house.  For those not in the know on my deal, one of my best friends from college, whom I shall call from here out Slim Jim, bought a house on the cheap from the county.  It was a mess when he bought it.  He cleaned it up, made it livable, and started renting to students in the area.  He soon grew tired of being an enforcer when it came to cash, so he offered me a sweet deal on living there.  The rent is below what I'd pay for similar in the area, and it's a whole four bedroom one bath half duplex, all to my damn self.  I jumped all over it.

Part of the deal turned out that I inherited a house of other people's crap.  This is both good and bad.  I inherited a fancy Cuisinart coffee maker, an assortment of teas and canned goods, moth infested rice, a basement full of wet clothes and sweet ass power tools (the tools are all Slim Jim's, but I have his blessing to use them), two irons (look ma, both hands!), more pots and pans than I can shake two irons at (because irons are heavy), and... let's just say it's a lot.

I never had the chance to really move in and make the space my own from the get go.  Instead, I've adapted to living off of what others left behind, filling in with my stuff when necessary.  I've felt a bit like a long term squatter, and in all but the three bedrooms I've cleaned out, there are remainders everywhere of the lives once lived in this house. 

What do I still have left to do?  I have a living room full of boxes that need to get put away.  I have a kitchen full of random kitchen... stuff that needs to be organized.  I'm talking, pull everything out of every cupboard, keep or throw it, then reorganize.  Those are really the last two big projects, but they're humdingers.

So when do I get to do all of this?  A normal work week for me is Tuesday through Saturday, 2pm-11pm.  My sleep schedule, ideally, is 12am-8am, and in practice, 2 or 3am - 9 or 10am.  This means the majority of my free time is in the morning, before work.  I planned it this way because every other week I have meetings at 10am.  If I got up at 1pm for work at 2, and stayed up into the morning, I would probably get more done, a 10am meeting would be equivalent to a meeting at 4am for someone who went to work at 8.  Imagine that, would you?

Friday and Saturday nights Dark Mistress Hawthorne keeps me company, staying in through the morning.  Sundays we usually hang out, visit people, go on trips, or hit animals with her car.  Not on purpose.  Mondays she goes to work, and I usually visit my friends and family in my hometown.  Finally, one day a week I'll usually go visit the residence of Dark Mistress Hawthorne.  This means all my unassigned free time really takes place from when I wake up to when I go to work, three days out of the week.  Unless, of course, I have one of those meetings that happens every other week.  Then it's only two days. 

What do I do with that time?  Assuming I wake at 8am, (It's happened!), I get up, entertain Starbuck (my cat), make some tea, and go work on something creative until 11am.  At 11, or if I'm truly stuck, I begin working on something productive around the house.  For example: today I put weather stripping around the back door, which was leaking like a cheesecloth balloon.  If I have to cook something to eat for the week (I pack my dinners), I do so at Noon.  Otherwise I keep working.  At 1 is when I have to start getting ready for work, though sometimes I slack and get involved in a video game for a half hour or so, causing me to rush in a frenzy.

I'm not sure why, but in all this, I've felt a little stressed and worn thin.  I wish I had more time to spend with the lady, with my writing, and with my cat.  Not to mention my folks and my friends.  But, for now, this is what it is, I am what I am, you are what you are, and tautologies remain an excellent method ending conversations in a fatalistic, yet positive tone.

Character Guide

The names of people and places here have been changed in the interest of privacy. Oh, sure, it would take a person maybe five minutes or less to figure out my real name, and internet detectives could make out the rest in due time. I'm not worried about that. I simply don't want a google search of my real name + my work place or my job or my friend's real names to bring people here. It's better for them, it's better for me, and really, it's better for me.

Plus, it's an excuse to make up names for people.

Speaking of which:

hey, remember Character Guide!
In order of appearance:

Dark Mistress Hawthorne
High school friend of Zanzibar, came from her podunk home town to stay with Spanky, Zanzibar, and I back in early 2007. She is a maker of sweet t-shirts, an amateur photographer, a Coen Brothers fan, an animal lover, a mediocre driver, a closeted LiveJournal user, and a wonderful person . Also, she's my girlfriend/cohabitant.
Fact: neither dark, nor a mistress, nor a Hawthorne. Discuss.

Skills:
T-Shirt Makery, General Craft, General Cookery, Advanced Bakery, Advanced Sarcasm

Special Abilities:
*CLASSIFIED*

Modifiers:

___________________________

Slim Jim
College friend and owner of my house. Lives around the DC area. Likes: electronics, computers, dark humor, empathy, inquiry, survival. Dislikes: dishonesty, mathematics, hangovers, social castes.

Skills:
Soldering, General HandiCraft, Survival

Special Abilities:
Intelligent Conversation, ADHD, Vehicular Combustion

Modifiers:
Intelligence +5

___________________________

Auntie L
She and I go way back. She's a wit without match, and can wit anyone under the table without batting an eye. Seriously. She's like the Socrates of wit. Also, she's one of two people who ever comment here, so you probably at least know of her by now.

Skills:
General Knittery, Advanced Letter Writing

Special Abilities:
Razor Wit, Intelligent Conversation

Modifiers:
Intelligence +4
Cooking -5

___________________________

Stankfoot
My fellow Taco Bell aficionado and Battlestar Galactica freak. Also, my right hand Warhammer man. (For the emperor, brother.)

Skills:
General Motorcycling, Advanced Computer Tech

Special Abilities:
Fast Food Grease Resistance, Airbrushing

Modifiers:

___________________________

Bixby
Friend from college, fellow Trekkie, fantasizer of Riker. She, Slim Jim, The Blue Zipper and I lived together for half of every week for half of a summer once. It was rocking good times.

Skills:
Engineering, Debate

Special Abilities:
Line Dancing

Modifiers:
+5 Debate (in the presence of like-minded individuals)

___________________________

The Tzar
Boyfriend to Bixby

Skills:
Unknown

Special Abilities:
Line Dancing, Beard Trimming

Modifiers:

___________________________

Leggolamb
Drinking partner from college who constantly emasculated me. Quoth my father: "You drink like a truck driver's wife." A hoot in general.

Skills:
Advanced Drinking, Debate, Advanced Sarcasm

Special Abilities:
Recognizing issues of Gender and Class inequality

Modifiers:
Liver -5

___________________________

Bennington
Bennington was probably my first friend. I met her when I was two. I can't say I liked her when I was two, because I'm pretty sure my interests were still mostly related to bodily functions and bright colors. Upon reflection, not much has changed.
Though we've led separate paths through life, Bennington and I still remain friends.

Skills:
Teaching

Special Abilities:
Teaching

Modifiers:
Hey, teaching's pretty amazing.

___________________________

Funk
Husband to Bennington. He's my favorite jamming partner, and when he was at his tops, was a hell of a guitarist. We only jammed once though, but it was too fine.

Skills:
Teaching

Special Abilities:
Code Breaking

Modifiers:

___________________________

Mrs. Fussnpuss

Estimated age rage: 78-92. Obsessively cleans every last spec of ice, snow, or garbage from her walk. Though her posture may be bent, her spirit remains strong. (Whatever that means.)

Skills:
Hanging clothes on the line, Trash can moving, Sidewalk cleaning, Lectures on The New Deal, Passive Aggression, Aggressive Aggression, Aggressive... Passion?

Special Abilities:
Fear of "Those" People, Old School Guilt.

Modifiers:
Longevity +70
Charisma -10

___________________________

Spanky

Ska lover, tattoo collector, video game aficionado, friend from the old school days, and former room mate. Only likes meat and cheese on his taco.

Skills: Ranged Weapon Attacks, Selective Information Sharing, Charming Old Folk, Charming Young Folk, Mario Kart.

Special Ability: Really, aren't all his abilities special?

Modifiers:
Charisma +7

___________________________

Zanzibar

Music lover, tattoo collector, culture aficionado, wife of Spanky, and former room mate. Only likes iambic pentameter. Once threw a (toy) piano through a third story window. Exists in one or more of the three states: tired, cold, or hungry.

Skills: Debate, Multitasking, Mario Party

Special Ability: Facial expression manipulation.

Modifiers:
Cred: +5

___________________________

The Templetons
My creative writing professors from college. I don't know much about them personally, but they seem to be fairly swell people, even if they are a bit hard to get in touch with.

Skills:
Teaching

Special Abilities:
?

Modifiers:
Wow, I'm fucking tired of this system. How about you?

___________________________

Brackus
Long time friend of Johnny Blue Jeans.

Skills:
unknown

Special Abilities:
unknown

Modifiers:

___________________________

Q.B.
Other long time friend of Johnny Blue Jeans

Skills:
unknown

Special Abilities:
unknown

Modifiers:
___________________________
Johnny Blue Jeans
Room mate and friend from college. Stand up guy who spent a couple years teaching English in the Ukraine for the Peace Corps.

Skills:
General Athleticism

Special Abilities:
Russian

Modifiers:
Endurance +10
___________________________

Raucous P. L. B. Filibuster
Dude is a hilarious loudmouth and old friend from high school. Looks like a cross between William Shatner and Bob Hope, which makes his commentary even funnier.

Skills:
General Sarcasm

Special Abilities:
Vocal Projection, Razor Wit

Modifiers:
Height -2

___________________________

Skidmark
Nice guy. Movie trivia buff. Brother of a girl I went to elementary school with. Seriously, I know nothing about this kid.

Skills:
unknown

Special Abilities:
Fact Recollection

Modifiers:
Memory +15
___________________________

The Big E
Introduced me to, among other things, the evil pleasures of tabletop roll playing games. Yes, Dungeons and Dragons. Yes, I had a neck beard in high school, why do you ask?

I met The Big E when I was a high school freshmen and he was a senior, and he likes to say he was responsible for my early corruption. The truth is, I was already a bit weird, he just gave me the opportunity to express that.

Skills:
Dungeon Mastery, Prolific bearding.

Special Abilities:
Intimidation, Charm

Modifiers:
Awesome +50, Ability to digest corn and corn derived products -infinity
___________________________