The names of people and places here have been changed in the interest of privacy. Oh, sure, it would take a person maybe five minutes or less to figure out my real name, and internet detectives could make out the rest in due time. I'm not worried about that. I simply don't want a google search of my real name + my work place or my job or my friend's real names to bring people here. It's better for them, it's better for me, and really, it's better for me.
Plus, it's an excuse to make up names for people.
Speaking of which:
hey, remember Character Guide!
In order of appearance:
Dark Mistress Hawthorne
High school friend of Zanzibar, came from her podunk home town to stay with Spanky, Zanzibar, and I back in early 2007. She is a maker of sweet t-shirts, an amateur photographer, a Coen Brothers fan, an animal lover, a mediocre driver, a closeted LiveJournal user, and a wonderful person . Also, she's my girlfriend/cohabitant.
Fact: neither dark, nor a mistress, nor a Hawthorne. Discuss.
Skills:
T-Shirt Makery, General Craft, General Cookery, Advanced Bakery, Advanced Sarcasm
Special Abilities:
*CLASSIFIED*
Modifiers:
___________________________
Slim Jim
College friend and owner of my house. Lives around the DC area. Likes: electronics, computers, dark humor, empathy, inquiry, survival. Dislikes: dishonesty, mathematics, hangovers, social castes.
Skills:
Soldering, General HandiCraft, Survival
Special Abilities:
Intelligent Conversation, ADHD, Vehicular Combustion
Modifiers:
Intelligence +5
___________________________
Auntie L
She and I go way back. She's a wit without match, and can wit anyone under the table without batting an eye. Seriously. She's like the Socrates of wit. Also, she's one of two people who ever comment here, so you probably at least know of her by now.
Skills:
General Knittery, Advanced Letter Writing
Special Abilities:
Razor Wit, Intelligent Conversation
Modifiers:
Intelligence +4
Cooking -5
___________________________
Stankfoot
My fellow Taco Bell aficionado and Battlestar Galactica freak. Also, my right hand Warhammer man. (For the emperor, brother.)
Skills:
General Motorcycling, Advanced Computer Tech
Special Abilities:
Fast Food Grease Resistance, Airbrushing
Modifiers:
___________________________
Bixby
Friend from college, fellow Trekkie, fantasizer of Riker. She, Slim Jim, The Blue Zipper and I lived together for half of every week for half of a summer once. It was rocking good times.
Skills:
Engineering, Debate
Special Abilities:
Line Dancing
Modifiers:
+5 Debate (in the presence of like-minded individuals)
___________________________
The Tzar
Boyfriend to Bixby
Skills:
Unknown
Special Abilities:
Line Dancing, Beard Trimming
Modifiers:
___________________________
Leggolamb
Drinking partner from college who constantly emasculated me. Quoth my father: "You drink like a truck driver's wife." A hoot in general.
Skills:
Advanced Drinking, Debate, Advanced Sarcasm
Special Abilities:
Recognizing issues of Gender and Class inequality
Modifiers:
Liver -5
___________________________
Bennington
Bennington was probably my first friend. I met her when I was two. I can't say I liked her when I was two, because I'm pretty sure my interests were still mostly related to bodily functions and bright colors. Upon reflection, not much has changed.
Though we've led separate paths through life, Bennington and I still remain friends.
Skills:
Teaching
Special Abilities:
Teaching
Modifiers:
Hey, teaching's pretty amazing.
___________________________
Funk
Husband to Bennington. He's my favorite jamming partner, and when he was at his tops, was a hell of a guitarist. We only jammed once though, but it was too fine.
Skills:
Teaching
Special Abilities:
Code Breaking
Modifiers:
___________________________
Mrs. Fussnpuss
Estimated age rage: 78-92. Obsessively cleans every last spec of ice, snow, or garbage from her walk. Though her posture may be bent, her spirit remains strong. (Whatever that means.)
Skills:
Hanging clothes on the line, Trash can moving, Sidewalk cleaning, Lectures on The New Deal, Passive Aggression, Aggressive Aggression, Aggressive... Passion?
Special Abilities:
Fear of "Those" People, Old School Guilt.
Modifiers:
Longevity +70
Charisma -10
___________________________
Spanky
Ska lover, tattoo collector, video game aficionado, friend from the old school days, and former room mate. Only likes meat and cheese on his taco.
Skills: Ranged Weapon Attacks, Selective Information Sharing, Charming Old Folk, Charming Young Folk, Mario Kart.
Special Ability: Really, aren't all his abilities special?
Modifiers:
Charisma +7
___________________________
Zanzibar
Music lover, tattoo collector, culture aficionado, wife of Spanky, and former room mate. Only likes iambic pentameter. Once threw a (toy) piano through a third story window. Exists in one or more of the three states: tired, cold, or hungry.
Skills: Debate, Multitasking, Mario Party
Special Ability: Facial expression manipulation.
Modifiers:
Cred: +5
___________________________
The Templetons
My creative writing professors from college. I don't know much about them personally, but they seem to be fairly swell people, even if they are a bit hard to get in touch with.
Skills:
Teaching
Special Abilities:
?
Modifiers:
Wow, I'm fucking tired of this system. How about you?
___________________________
Brackus
Long time friend of Johnny Blue Jeans.
Skills:
unknown
Special Abilities:
unknown
Modifiers:
___________________________
Q.B.
Other long time friend of Johnny Blue Jeans
Skills:
unknown
Special Abilities:
unknown
Modifiers:
___________________________
Johnny Blue Jeans
Room mate and friend from college. Stand up guy who spent a couple years teaching English in the Ukraine for the Peace Corps.
Skills:
General Athleticism
Special Abilities:
Russian
Modifiers:
Endurance +10
___________________________
Raucous P. L. B. Filibuster
Dude is a hilarious loudmouth and old friend from high school. Looks like a cross between William Shatner and Bob Hope, which makes his commentary even funnier.
Skills:
General Sarcasm
Special Abilities:
Vocal Projection, Razor Wit
Modifiers:
Height -2
___________________________
Skidmark
Nice guy. Movie trivia buff. Brother of a girl I went to elementary school with. Seriously, I know nothing about this kid.
Skills:
unknown
Special Abilities:
Fact Recollection
Modifiers:
Memory +15
___________________________
The Big E
Introduced me to, among other things, the evil pleasures of tabletop roll playing games. Yes, Dungeons and Dragons. Yes, I had a neck beard in high school, why do you ask?
I met The Big E when I was a high school freshmen and he was a senior, and he likes to say he was responsible for my early corruption. The truth is, I was already a bit weird, he just gave me the opportunity to express that.
Skills:
Dungeon Mastery, Prolific bearding.
Special Abilities:
Intimidation, Charm
Modifiers:
Awesome +50, Ability to digest corn and corn derived products -infinity
___________________________
