When the Old Folk Sulk at Radio Shack

I was hanging out with Stankfoot Monday, playing XBOX while my car got an oil change.  We swung out to Taco Bell for lunch, and on the way, I asked "hey, can we stop at Radio Shack?  I need to pick something up.  It'll only take a minute."

What I needed to pick up was a battery holder, because I'd cut the one on the theremin out to use in fixing something for work.  I happened to have our purchasing card on me, and felt like I ought to replace the one I used.

(because a working theremin is a happy theremin)

Being Monday, and an afternoon, I expected the place to be dead.  The first thing I saw was two old folks looking at cell phones.  The man was tall and skinny, while she was shorter and bent.  Both looked to be in their eighties, maybe nineties.  (Or, perhaps, some rough seventies.)  I thought to myself "christ, good luck!"  I mean, I'm a college educated person in his early adulthood, and I have a hard time understanding the intricate contingencies of my cell phone plan.  Then, of course, I felt guilty for assuming that they couldn't just because of their age.

I found the part I needed and got in line behind a woman who looked to be in her late 50's.  She was holding a lot of papers and discussing something with the sales rep when the phone rang.  As he juggled the phone call and whatever he was looking up for her, my attention was drawn to the other sales rep, who was taking the couple's information.  I presumed it was to open a cell phone account.  The sales rep asked for the man's name, and the man, after giving his first name, said "here, it'd be easier if you just read it from my driver's license."  He kept his leather wallet shut with a rubber band, and his voice sounded like dry oatmeal.

"Could I please have your address?"
I thought I heard the street name as "Stonederricks".  I guess the sales rep had trouble too and he asked "could you spell that?"  Suddenly, the woman sprang to life and asked "Can you spell it?" 
"Yes, could you spell the street name?" 
She paused, never breaking her glare, and said "Well, how do you spell stone?"

It's worth mentioning at this point that the couple actually didn't say anything, as much as they yelled it.  By this time, the sales rep I was in line for gracefully ended his phone conversation and resumed trying to resolve whatever the issue was with the woman in front of me.  There was a return, a radio with features not advertised, a canceled transaction, and an item that couldn't be ordered because it's not at the warehouse.  Meanwhile, there were at least three people behind me, and I could hear their snickers and grumblings.

The sales rep calmly said "I've got the stone part.  What's the other part?"
"The other part?  Terrace!  Terrace!"
"Okay, terrace."
"Don't give me any aggravation.  I've had more aggravation than I already need."
"Now Mary, I could be having one of my bad talking days.  Maybe I didn't say it good."
She turned and waved him off, resting her elbows on the counter.  I couldn't help but feel amused, and I tried the best I could to hide my smirk.  She was too much like a caricature of an old woman, too surrealistically sit-com-ish for me not to be dizzy with reflection on the absurdity of the moment.

"And the zip?"
She sprang back up off the counter.  "The zip code?  Where are we?  What's your zip code here?"
"I don't know, ma'am."
This only further infuriated her.  "That doesn't make!  What do the!  How can't you know?"
"I'm not from around here."
"You're not from around here.  How can you work here then?"
"I'm new here. I just transfered.  This is my second day."
She hunkered back down the counter. 
"Well then... I guess... We should see someone with more experience then."

There was a pause as the sales rep typed their information in.  I felt bad for him.  I didn't know if really was his second day or not, but regardless, he was doing a remarkable job.  He kept his face and voice even, never raising it, never mocking them, and never becoming short. 

"You need a secret word for your account.  What's your favorite hobby?"
"Hobby?" he started chuckling, "I'm retired!  Geez."

The sales rep walked around to show them what phones they could get for free with their plan.  "Which one should I get, Mary?"
"Oh Morris, I don't care, pick whatever one you like."
"Well, this one has big numbers, but this one might be easier to see at night.  What phone should I get, Mary?
"Oh Morris.  I don't care!  Just pick a phone you like."
"Well, I don't know.  It's got to have big numbers.  We're old, you know!  Mary, which phone do you think I should get?"
"Morris!  Just pick one!  I don't care!  I'm going to fall over!"
The men behind me had been chuckling at this, but softly.  It was when she said this that the woman in front of me giggled loud enough to hear. 
"I have trouble standing, you know."  She looked up at us for the first time.  I was terrified, because she had two lazy eyes, and I had no idea if she was singling me out or not.  "Do you know what?  I've had five heart attacks!  Five!  I just buried my sister on December 12th.   I have trouble standing for long periods of time.  Go ahead and laugh, I don't care.  You try it.  Go ahead and laugh."
She waved us off and slumped down on the counter.  The sales rep said "I'm going to see about getting you a chair." 

The woman in front of me motherly said "Oh no!  We weren't laughing at you, we were laughing with you!  We know it's-"
"Go ahead and laugh."
"Oh no!  It can be hard to-"
"Go ahead and laugh.  I've had five heart attacks!"
Morris turned around and added.  "She has, too!"
"Go ahead and laugh."
The rep returned from the back with a folding chair and set it up for her to sit on.  Unprompted, she said, either to him or to all of us, "I'm not a liar!" He sat her down.  "I wouldn't lie about that!"

I felt all sorts of emotions, but mostly I felt sad.  There was exasperation and exhaustion her voice.  I somewhat did expect her to fall over.  I don't know what she went through before we walked in the store, but she'd had enough.  It wasn't the sales rep's fault, or any of our faults.  Had the world simply grown to complex?  Had everything become a burden?  Once it starts to slip through your fingers, is there any way to firmly grasp the world again?  Or can you only watch it go by?

The woman in front of me finished up and immediately walked over to the old woman, sitting in her chair.  "I want you to know we weren't laughing at you."
"I don't care, you go ahead and laugh."
"It's just that-"
"You guys go ahead-"
"-and we know how hard-"
"-get so tired-"

Their voices folded together and faded as my focus was drawn by my purchase.  It took me twenty minutes to buy one part.  I felt bad for bringing Stankfoot into this.  Three steps out of the store he said "I was laughing at her."

"Yeah," I said, "I was too."