Hands Wrung Hard

I haven't mailed the forms in yet. Tomorrow. But I contacted the director of the program, as well as the grad admissions office, for that nice school in Boston. You know, the one I visited and fell in love with? I notified them today of my decision not to attend.

This came after much time spent going over numbers and numbers. Estimates, guesses, these were all I had really, but what I figured was this: I'd leave with between $50,000 - $60,000 in student loans. Perhaps I would also leave with contacts and opportunities I had not considered, but most likely I'd leave in search of adjunct teaching positions for not much more than I make now, if not less. As it stands, I'm a long way from being able to afford $700 per month in student loan payments.

Though I know I'd love going there: moving to a new city, not just any city but a literary hub packed with history and opportunity, spending my time in a community of fellow artists dedicated to honing their crafts, meeting new people and forming friendships, partnerships, and artistic connections that would last a lifetime, developing myself as a person and exploring new areas of creativity, being exposed to new experiences that would shape me in ways I couldn't begin to fathom right now, in the end I decided the promise wasn't worth the potential cost. I felt as if I were selling part of my future away for some wonderful experiences now. With there being other, cheaper, opportunities out there, I passed.

Speaking of which, that nice school in Seattle has some TA positions up for grabs. I should find out in a day or two if one of those comes my way. If so, I'm Washington bound, tuition free. If not, I'm facing a similar decision, with an expected $45,000-$50,000 in student loans. Then there's that school I've wanted to go to from the get go down in North Carolina. I know they want to find funding for everyone, but I haven't heard yea or nay from them yet either. Hope springs still, but I'm not feeling very lucky these days.